Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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