i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
