i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize