I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you win again, gameday.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
