Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
