i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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