his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
