is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize