Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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