i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
