You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
