i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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