She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
