Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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