The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
