It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
