Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
