all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
