My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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