Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
