Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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