don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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