too bad you live with your parents still
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
