It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
