At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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