I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
