How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
