it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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