You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
