You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize