You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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