i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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