I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
