i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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