Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
