Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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