sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
