The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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