went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
