Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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