I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
