He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize