And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
