He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
