Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
