I need to stop coming to work sober
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize