Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
