let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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