Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
operation have a gay friend backfired
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize