last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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