I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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