i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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