So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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