Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
