I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
