I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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