im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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