So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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