i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
