i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
