Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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