yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
