I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
