the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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