Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
