Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
