About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize