Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
