Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
