I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
